TOKYO NEVER SAYS DIE

In anticipation of my trip to Tokyo next month, I am trying to immerse myself with as much Tokyo related material I can. After learning that the Grand Hyatt Hotel which was used in the filming of Lost In Translation, I realize I can't pay the $600 a night hotel room to swim in the 39th floor swimming pool, so I will settle for a capsule hotel room for a night.  I would love to see TOKYO, the triad of directed pieces on the Japanese capital. People on the internet are saying  that Michel Gondry fucked this up, but how can Michel Gondry fuck up a film? That's like saying Santa fucked up Christmas and this year all the kids are getting in their stockings are some tattered up copies of SWANK magazine and some peanut shells.

NORTH KOREA IS THE NEW MEXICO

Thanks to swine flu,  Mexico is bunk: and the best all-inclusive trip is not the bikini boobs and plastic cup littered beaches of Cancun, rather it is drab Pyongyang, which is a hot vacation spot of choice next month for Don't Be A Debbi. Thanks to Euna Lee and Lisa Ling (pictured) and Koryo Tours you can head to the last Stalinist capital from Beijing for only about $1800 dollars CAD--or $1400 for students. Photography will be limited, but I will try to get the most premium of shots of the Great Leader and North Korean modern conveniences. I will try not to get arrested by taking a photo of something I shouldn't and thrown into a labour camp sorting screws. As well, Don't Be A Debbi blog entries will be limited in the upcoming weeks as this luxury trip to the Korean Peninsula is planned and money is kept aside in case of emergency bail out situations in which Bill Clinton might not be flying to North Korea to free me from 12 years in a labour camp. 

TOO HOT FOR WORDS

It's deathly hot outside. For me at least. The average temperature is only about 25-28 degrees but for fair skinned people like myself, it's the point of melting. I can't imagine living in a place somewhere in Africa or South America that averages over 30 degrees a day. The weather only makes me happy when the sun sets and the breeze blows a gentle sigh across the branches and I can head outside with a gin and tonic whilst listening to Nina Simone. I pretend I am living the true life of a true metrosexual, clutching a cocktail glass and admiring the buttons on my linen shirt. Perhaps a combination of the heat and over exhaustion of working a real job this that has hindered me ability to post a blog posting for a week. But it doesn't matter, because nobody reads this anyways. Summer sun makes me look like I have herpes on my arm.

SOUNDTRACK FOR 25

It is my 25th birthday in 7 minutes. I secretly have this fantasy I will embrace this day of quarter life and will climb to the roof of the house when I awaken and reenact the opening scene of Pulp Fiction to all who listens.


".....every motherfucking last one of you"

DON'T EAT THE DOG!

I have a very insightful post conjured in my mind based on some observations I made after watching a Kate Bush music video for Running Up That Hill, but I'll save it for tomorrow. Right now I feel like sharing about meeting an adopted dog from Korea when looking at a roommate situation. This dog is very similar to the one in the picture above, which was taken in Havana. When I walked in the door it jumped at my leg and snapped at my fingers when I tried to pet it. I could tell I had never seen a dog/mutt like it before anywhere in North America, and as it allowed me to pat its head, the friend of the girl who was showing around chimed in, "He's from Korea, Doug-the dog's owner/tenant-brought him back from Korea" The girl showing me the house spoke up, "THEY WERE GOING TO EAT HIM, THE KOREAN'S WERE GOING TO EAT HIM!" I didn't know what to say to that, so I mumbled something about the dog escaping from North Korea, but I really wanted to say, "But now he has to live with you" The end.

I HEART ALASKA

Q: What could be greater than being from Alaska and owning a gun?
A: Being from Alaska and FABulous!

(Naughty little lumberjack)

JANN PEHECHAAN HO

Isn't this your favorite part in Ghost World? It is mine. If I ever become the first pregnant man, I will strip down to my briefs, wear a Happy New Year tiara, puff out my stomach, and dance to this song in front of my mirror.

RECESSION RHYMES WITH KEG

Here at Don't Be A Debbi!, the recession is a hot topic amongst other current event topics such as Swine Flu and North Korea. Sadly, the recession becomes depression since work consumes our lives and can prove to be devastating for those who get the pink slip. We will most likely spend over 60% of our life working at a job which immorally defines who we are, and are most likely to become severely depressed when laid off and begin to start a bad habit such as eating sugar cubes for breakfast. Those of us not effected, like to bring it up with the cashier when in line at Safeway; sneaking the topic in as we place our orange juice and paper towels on the checkout belt. Little do we know the cashier is choking back tears as she scans the avocados, thanking herself she found a job with stock options and medical benefits. She prays for the moment the recession is over so she can find work as a Financial Advisor. "It's a sad year indeed; this recession is definitely  impacting business", says the manager of the Liquor Barn as he works at breakneck speed to keep the shelves stocked with Jack Daniels and Gray Goose.

PUT THE CAN BACK INTO CANADA

Today when I woke up I didn't remember it was Canada Day at all until I went down the street for lunch. For some of us, we are American's caught in Canadian bodies, yearning the day a green card will fall out of the sky into our hand. Isn't that awful? Perhaps for politicians, Canada Day is like Christmas for children; or like Rosh Hashanah for Jews. But because I don't have any children, I couldn't paint Canadian flags on their cheeks and take them to a parade. The lady who runs the kitschy coffee shop down the street from my parents' house had taped up a few Canadian flags and randomly stuck up some blown up Canada Day balloons that said "Happy Canada Day" on them.  Tomorrow they will just look like blood stained condoms. She had also baked special cupcakes topped with red and white sprinkles and complete with a Canadian flag stuck in the middle! How adorable, especially more so because she is from Florida.

WE ALL HAVE A DREAM (HERE WE GO)

Hurray! The blogosphere is going to be introduced to the world of "Don't Be A Debbi!" This is a fantastic day, in which I can shed a tear and fondle my cheek and say "I did it. I really did it" Kudos me. To celebrate, I think I'll post a video of another person with dreams: A wannabe stripper pole-dancing to The Knife in her DIY strip club living room. She has a dream too. All she wants is someone to pull her away and whisper in her ear, "Shoot for the moon, but aim for the stars!"